The Other Resistance

Self-Reflection and Change

We all can feel the tension as the racial protests continue. More murders of black men at the hand of white cops. Lynching under investigation are reminders of an ugly past. Police on edge, inflicting more violence upon civilians than needed. Bad cops being applauded while good ones feeling “vilified” and “disgusted” in the shadows of the negative light. More “Karens” uncovered, corporate accountability on deck. Transgender citizens attacked, equal rights retracted. Friendships fraying, trust in question. Fringe groups agitating peaceful protestors. Silence unnerving. Apologies stacking up, rejected for self-serving. Guilt, blame, shame, anger, and the relentless attention, way too much. The stories every day, unforgiving. Where does it end? Small successes, overshadowed by the conflict over flags, statues, bibles, laws, and the media’s take. The entire world seeing America in a new light. Wish it would all just go away. Poof!

I’ve always wanted that too. A magical end to racism. It never came.

A variety of social media posts have been circulating online revealing a resistance to self-reflection and change. People cheering and agreeing using emoji’s and likes, a sense of collective understanding that the solution to race relations is to just “do you” and everything will be alright. Here is an example of the resistance:

Disclaimer: I didn’t write this but I’m definitely going to share it!

I’m sick of covid-19. I’m sick of black vs. white. I’m sick of Democrats vs. Republicans. I’m sick of gay vs. straight. I’m sick of Christians vs atheists. I’m REALLY sick of the media. I’m sick of no one being allowed to think what they want & feel what they do without offending someone. I am sick of the nosey ass people who call the cops when anyone does anything they don’t approve of. I am sick of blaming the whole for the sins of a few.

We’re one race — the human race. You want to support President Trump? You do you. It’s your choice. You want to support Biden? Fine… also your choice! You want to believe in God? Okay, believe in God. You want to believe in magical creatures that fly around & sprinkle fairy dust to make life better? Awesome… you do you.

BUT stop thrusting your beliefs on others & not being able to deal with the fact that they don’t have the same exact mind-set as you. Having our own minds is what makes us all individual and beautiful. If you can’t handle the fact that you may have a friend that has opposing views as you, then you are not any better than the bigots and the racists. I don’t have to agree with everything you believe to be a decent human being & your friend.

On first read, I liked the sentiments. There’s a feeling of power, control over one’s self, a win for the individual and what I believe, a middle ground. Hooray. Using my “beginners’ mind” the second time I read, I was disappointed — hopeless, actually. Users in the comments agreed with a sentiment that claims it’s good to not change. Good to be unmovable. Not teachable. Unreachable. Of course, we all have different views and opinions, free to be whomever we want, even a racist. But, drawing a line where being one’s self causes pain, injustice, even death for others, that’s too far. Not okay. Being you should not come at my expense. An unwillingness to adjust, not even taking a second look, is a victory for racism.

Perspective is needed.

Referencing the killing of Rayshard Brooks, my cousin Curry Hackett said, “Seeing the event in a vacuum is irresponsible. Given the current discourse, there is no reason to believe that man wasn’t fighting for his life.” White people focus on the manufactured threat of a black man, justifying his murder. Black people see white cop killers and handcuffs as a symbol of their death. They want to run for their lives. Imagine if the cops just helped a drunk man home instead.

White people proud of a “healthy” economy, a calculation black people don’t make against humanity. Is every human economically healthy? As Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren asked, “Is the economy really healthy if almost 20% of black Americans don’t have jobs?” More than twice the rate of white peers. Do others matter? One being unhealthy can make all of us sick. Like a deadly virus. Like now.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

What is happening? Are we done learning, growing as humans? Do white Americans recognize a problem but decide it is not theirs, unwilling to even consider the impact? How can we be sick and tired of the most important events in our lifetime so fast? I’m not. I am ready to learn and share, so that I am helpful to all. Black lives are threatened, most impacted by injustice. Are white Americans so comfortable with the status quo that they consider the truths of black life inconvenient? Do they not see these issues as something to fix? To end racism, you cannot be how you were before, or even yesterday.

Beginner’s Mind vs Expert Mind

When I attended my daughter’s 2016 college orientation, Lee Bollinger, President of Columbia University, presented to the incoming freshman. The energy was thrilling, the excitement of new adventures ahead. I was engaged, hanging on to every bit of wisdom he shared. Willing to learn something new, a window into an educated white man’s perspective. As he gave advice to the first-years, one concept captured my attention more than others. He said, “…You need a ‘beginner’s mind’ not an ‘expert’s mind.’ Be a thinking person, accepting your opinions may be wrong. Reflect on how you are responding to something different.” I studied the concept more.

Children have beginner’s minds — open, curious and willing to learn. As we get older, the expert mind develops. It is the curse of knowledge; the habits are more difficult to change. A beginner wonders how something works, an expert knows it all. Shunryu Suzuki, popular Zen Monk said, “If your mind is empty, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are possibilities, in the expert mind there are few.” People need a beginner’s mind in this moment.

Black people have spent a lifetime as beginners. Adapting, battling resistance, analyzing and navigating obstacles, keeping our minds open to unfamiliar systems so we don’t get caught. Our lives depended on it. We operated outside our comfort zone, trying to live the American dream through a white person’s prism. We hoped white Americans would magically agree the systems are unfair after being made aware, but no. Repeatedly disappointed. Hateful responses, deflection of the truth, perpetuating hate, and false characterizations remain. A lot of white people have an unyielding expert mind. White Americans created our society without considering us. Little has changed.

The water fountain, black and white. Transportation arrangements, black in the back, white in the front. Bathrooms, doors, neighborhoods, and schools, all divided by white Americans. It’s still that way taking a second look — divided — while on the surface progress is there. Black Americans can now walk through the front door of the buildings; they just can’t have a seat at the table.

An Asian friend of mine shared a remarkable perspective about racism. Her father was a young man leaving Japan to begin business in America. He arrived during the civil rights movement. He was confused about the American system, not sure which water fountain to use. He called his family and they told him to use the black labels. Using the white ones may cause him conflict. Imagine seeing the United States so myopically? No white American thought about anyone else but themselves. They made sure black people knew their place though.

For Consideration

It’s dangerous to send messages of resistance right now, combatting the new discussions and emotions we have all been feeling. It is not the time to diffuse responsibility, acting as if it is not your obligation to personally change or waiting for someone else to step in. All people, especially white people, are responsible for learning, growing, and ending racism. It’s not the time to hide behind the idea of a stagnant sense of self. Some humans are not decent humans.

Sick of covid? People are dying. All humans should care. Black people are dying at a disproportionate rate to white people. Instead of frustration, be accountable for wearing masks, proven critical in decreasing the spread, saving lives, offering freedom for all. Caring less about one’s safety is a choice; endangering others is inhumane.

Sick of black and white? It’s ironic that “not seeing color” is said in the same breath. Is it hypocritical, dishonest, guilty? What is it? I see lots of colors. It’s beautiful acknowledging individuals and all of our differences. Where is the understanding? Pretending to be “color blind?” This is lying to one’s self. It is visible to everyone else.

Media too much, don’t want to hear it? Media provides stories to broaden our perspectives and perspectives to challenge our biases. Engage multiple mediums, not just one or two, furthering what you already believe. Television overwhelming your senses? Read. Ignorance is a choice. Poor actions without wisdom are unjust. No excuse. Ignoring reality is a loss for everyone. No growth. No change. More racism.

Sick of the whole being blamed for the sins of a few? Yes. Me too. Years of white people labeling black people as threatening, smart and strong black women as angry or aggressive, black children’s behaviors more troublesome than white children. White people have conveniently labeled black people for hundreds of years, using the labels as a weapon to oppress. White Americans are now struggling. They have five minutes in the spotlight and generalities are suddenly unfair.

My instincts tell me to avoid white people. Distrust of them leads me to “cross the street.” I hate feeling that way. It is the first time in my life I’ve felt this way. Not fear, distrust. White people might hurt me to benefit themselves. It sounds like another time in history. But, I’m growing, re-examining everything I see. Traits of the good ones are more clear. Unexplained experiences of my past are starting to make more sense now. I had naively thought everyone was equal, that all voices were respected, that humans were decent. The American dream is a nightmare.

I have an evolving circle of family and friends filled with intelligent, thoughtful, beginners’ minds, an array of cultures, religions, races, and ages; they give me hope. Evolving and learning together. We can all get there. We have to stop resisting change. It’s time to take a second look, maybe a third. If white people fail to acknowledge the issues, redevelop a beginners’ mind, reconsider positions after learning, then racism will define white culture forever. Doing you is lazy.

It appears treating everyone like human beings is more difficult than we thought.